The Road Home

THE SPIRITUAL RETURN TO SELF 🧘🏾‍♀️

Hey family, how's your heart? I have been so busy lately 🥱, I haven't really had the time to sit down with self. Sit alone within my own space. So, the next couple of weeks, I am going to make this a priority.

Also, I have come into a HUGE blessing this month, and I want to sit and reflect upon it. For the past 8 months, I have been in close proximity with so many people, and now I need to spend time alone. This chapter was needed, it allowed me to see things from the perspective of my community, allowed me to see how much focus is needed on my mission in life as a leader, allowed me to know how attentive I need to be with people on this life journey, and how I need to carb out time for me on my life mission. I needed this chapter for tools, insights, and resources for my life mission.

This chapter is teaching me how much I do love my self-care time and quiet reflection time. I need space to just be with self. It helps me feel, and do the work of my life mission better. My alone time allows me to speak with God, and understand what's required of me on my life mission.

And, I am learning my presence is wanted by others. People really do want me around, and that's cool with me 🫣. But, I have to advocate for self, that I do need time for my self-reflection, my self-care, and just being alone with self. "My me time is so needed" on my life journey and this isn’t personal.

Which brings me to: A MATTER OF THE HEART ❤️. I do know that I want to be loved by my soulmate, by a person who deserves my time, love, and energy. But, the last few months is bringing up questions about LOVE. Do I really want to be in a connection with someone else? Or do I want to be alone? I really do like my own space, and a partner requires that you provide attention. I’m not sure if I want to give attention to a relationship for a lifetime, or even be in close proximity with someone for a lifetime. It might be weird for some people to understand what I am saying, but I just don’t want to be in close proximity with others for long periods of time 😩. I will consider it, if the person can speak to me on a level that my TRUE BEING can understand. I don’t want to waste anyone's time, or not be honest about how I experience this thing call LIFE, and how I approach love.

Slowly, I am realizing why I chose not to give time to a relationship for so long 😫. I knew, I needed someone who understood me fully, and that can speak to me on a deeper level. Not someone who is there for the sake of having a partner who I can do life with or fulfill a social expectation. Low-key my partner might find it difficult to be in love with me, for the reason, I am so distant 🫣. And, I do know how I developed this trait, but that's another subject matter. If I'm honest, I'm not sure if I want to change this trait. Like I said, I like my alone time 🫣. Also, I put heavy amounts of time into my creative gifts, and this could be a BIG ISSUE for a relationship. It can open the door for so many things, but I don't have the time to discuss ALL the things 😳 . But, infidelity is one of those things. And, I know if my partner isn’t faithful, I will leave. While knowing, it’s a possibility that I might have been the one who pushed my partner to look outside for attention 😳.

This is a BIG reason why I have not ever committed to a long term relationship 😩. Baby, I am complicated, and I need massive support navigating the universe of love. But, at least I am honest about it, and will give that energy to my partner always (honesty). Also, I am realizing, I will have to make some compromises when it comes to TRUE LOVE. And, I do want to be loved correctly by someone who was created for me to love, and I want to be honest about my type of difficulties with LOVE 💖. Talk with y’all soon ✌🏾

P.S. Soon, I will be dropping a new collection on TikTok called “DEAR SOULMATE” 🥹. This collection will premiere before May 31st 🥰. I haven't begun the process of making the collection in a way that emphasizes my creativity, because of my busy schedule 😩. But, it will be dropping soon! So, check it out 😝.

- Filmmaker LaToya 🎞

If you feel the need to share this post with someone, please do! #filmmakerlatoyagang 

Lastly, here's a poem from my book of poetry 📗

HOW'S YOUR HEART

BY LaToya D. Lee

How’s your heart?

My soul is telling me you are heavy in pain

My soul tells me you aren’t resting well

I am telling my soul that you have made the decision to stay with someone else

And, we must accept

I don’t think it’s fair that my body feels your aches and pains

I don’t feel it’s fair that I am awaken to your soul crying

I feel your shakiness in my body

I could be peacefully sleeping

And, your spirit wakes me up

Causing me to feel your trembles

That’s so unfair to my body, mind, and spirit

I am trying to convince my spirit

We will be fine without each other

But the soul won’t accept

It’s crying for you

It knows that this isn’t true

Still,

I tell my soul that we must get well independently

We must live independently

My soul speaks

No, we should not accept this as true

Crying for you

Hold her tight to your heart

I tell my spirit,

She has made her choice

But, my spirit speaks again

Her heart is aching for all the time spent within the world

The pain runs deep

She feels she is surrounded by love and joy

But, the truth is you are her heart and joy

You will be her joy, peace, and true love

How’s your heart, soulmate?

It’s aching for you

Soulmate, I pray you find your way home soon

Thank you again for your support! Peace ✌🏾  #filmmakerlatoyagang  

Connect with me on social media @filmmakerlatoya (all platforms).